Apparently when my dad and I talked last night and I told him everything that's been going on in my life, and he told me it's ok and he's proud of me, it was a lie. He just called me to tell me he doesn't want to buy me a new phone because he knows I put it in the washing machine on purpose so he'd have to buy me a new one.. He also told me he knows I like to make my mom cry. And if they decide to stop paying for school, he doesn't want me to come home, because I'm ruining our family. Then he proceeded to tell me that I'm not smart enough to do anything with my life and he should have known from the beginning to not expect anything out of me so that he wouldn't have been let down. He also asked how I have any friends here because all I do is screw people over, and he's surprised that people want to be around me and they don't realize that I'm the source of all the problems, and he knows I'll end up alone because no one can stand being around me. All of this started because I said I need to be back on my depression meds. I guess instead of taking something for depression, my dad thinks it will help to tell me everything that is wrong with me, so I'll change it on my own. Perfect.
On a lighter note, I think I'm going to go take a walk on the beach. I haven't been outside yet today, but I hope it's nice. I'm going to go smoke my *morning* cigarette, and shower and get all dressed up so I can forget about this. And I'll turn my phone off and pretend like everything is amazing and my life is perfect. Hm. I don't think it will work as well as I'm planning, but I can hope right?
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